ready for transformation - bethany holland

Connecting the dots.

Sun, 7 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

"The King saves you, but the Kingdom transforms you."

-Jennifer Toledo

How many people would say they are Christians and they love God but they don't look any different than the world? How many people in America just say a prayer and go to church every other Sunday but never actually experience freedom?

This is how I lived my whole life until my sophomore year of college. I knew the King, and he had saved me but I lived in such religion. I was bound to my performance and how to earn God's love. I didn't even know I was doing it, but this religious spirit had deceived me for such a long time. I didn't get the FACT and TRUTH that my identity in Christ was based on Him and not me, or that His love did not depend on me and what I did but on Him and what he did.

Then I got to college and a combination of this need to be good enough for God's love and getting trapped in sin completely wrecked me. I was tormented for months, believing lies about my identity and my victory. I lived a defeated life, feeling like a failure because there was absolutely nothing I did that could get me out of my sin.

And one day in a prayer room, out of complete desperation I cried out to my King. I needed him to save me but I couldn't see how it was possible. I'd prayed a million times before and nothing had changed...how would this time be any different? But I persisted. And what happened was something I didn't realize until just yesterday.

In that moment, sitting and crying by myself in a prayer room, not only did the King meet me but he brought to me his Kingdom. And that was when transformation came. That is when my life was rescued not to be put back into slavery ever again but to live in the freedom and the fullness that is in God's Kingdom. My King adopted me and made me his daughter...no longer looking into his house wishing to be free but living inside with him.

Now I am taking this Kingdom in which I live and prosper in to the nations. It is my home and the only source of love, joy and freedom. And my King has opened his home to every person who desires come in and when we enter into his Kingdom and live in his Kingdom, we are transformed. I desire to see the nations of the world transformed, encountering the Kingdom of God. And I have found that evangelism is really about living and bringing the Kingdom of God wherever I go.

So Africa, that is my intention and my goal with the grace of God to bring to you freedom and peace and love and joy and all that there is in the Kingdom of my God, my King, my Dad.

"In the Kingdom of God, it is so simple.

If you want to receive, you have to give.

If you want to live, you have to die.

If you want to be great, you have to be a servant.

If you want to encounter God, you have to seek Him.

...seek first the Kingdom of God"

Community Means Honor

Thu, 4 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

This whole community thing has me constantly learning new things about myself and about those around me. This whole community thing is changing me. It is challenging me and forcing me to improve my character. It is teaching me about covenant relationships and how to truly live as Christ lived.

But most of all, it is showing me how to show honor.

I came across this scripture the other day and believe God wanted to challenge me more in all of this.

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor...
Give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceable with all."
Romans 12:9-10; 17-18

Outdo one another in showing honor. What does it even look like to show honor?

I was thinking about my life before the race and how I dealt with situations and communities in my life. If I did not naturally get along with someone, I did not pursue much of a relationship with that person. I would not refuse to hang out with them, but I did not go out of my way to involve them in my community. Pretty much any community I was a part of was my community' where I picked who I wanted to spend time with. There was always a point or a depth in every relationship that I did not go past if I did not have the intention of investing in that person. And to be completely honest, if it ever got too deep for me, I was always able to escape for a little bit until I could dive back in. But in this community....I cannot do that.

God has purposely put me into a group with 5 specific other people to challenge me and teach me something about his Kingdom. If we have issues, we deal with them. If we have an attitude, we get called out. And all for our own good. So am I doing all of this because I am stuck with these people for the next 6 months and have no other choice? It may seem that way, but it truly is impossible to do this 'community thing' without going all in...without choosing to honor one another in all things.

Simple truths that have become so much more real in community:

      1. Forgive, forgive, forgive! CHOOSE to forgive.
      2. Don't hold onto silly things...but talk it out.
      3. Serve one another...putting others' needs before your own.
      4. Trusting the process that God has people in.
      5. Honor each other...Outdo one another in showing honor!

Really getting these things in my spirit and practicing them has helped me to truly love my team and to become more like Christ. Isn't it interesting that everything God asks us to do, Christ did first and continues to do for us. He continues to honor us in the midst of our sin. Even when we feel like we can't do what he's called us to do because we have so much of our flesh still at work in us, he sees our repentant hearts and honors us, giving us the ability to overcome our flesh and accomplish his will. In other words, when you cannot possibly think of being able to love or forgive someone because they just annoy you or because they hurt you...when you confess your bitterness towards that person to the Lord being completely broken...because 'how could you possibly love like he's called you to love?...it feels impossible'. In that moment, He honors you and forgives you. In our weaknesses, he is gentle and strong giving us his Spirit and grace to love and forgive.

"The spirit of Religion replaces things that are important to God with things that are not.
Christianity is about being passionate about loving people. Honor is a loving thing, an act of love. Love and honor draws the Spirit. But critism and division grieves the Spirit and draws the demonic."
-Randy Clark, March 2, 2010

**Tomorrow is our last day in Cambodia. We will be driving to Bangkok, and then flying to Ghana, Africa! Please keep us in your prayers as we move onto an entirely new chapter of the race!**

Village Life VIDEO

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

My friend Annie made a very cute and funny video about life in the villages of Cambodia.

Hope you enjoy it! Don't take it too seriously...

No Insignificant Moment

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

In the past month or so I have had a few dreams where I am back in the United States, at home after the race. The dreams seem so real that I can still feel it when I wake up. In every dream, I feel dissatisfied or wanting more. I find myself completely shocked that the race is actually over and feeling as though it went by way too fast. Everytime, I feel like there was something more I could have tapped into while on the race and that I had missed my opportunity.

So we have been back in Cambodia for about 3 days now and have definitely been keeping busy. But in the meantime, I have been praying into what these dreams mean. And I believe it is a confirmation and a continuation of something God began speaking to me at debrief. I have chosen to not take one second of this race for granted, even when I don't feel like it. And this month is the test. I am discovering that the moments when I don't feel like giving 100% are the moments I really need to press in. And what I have found is that after pressing in with a good attitude, especially when I don't want to, God meets me exactly where I am at gives me supernatural joy and strength to love and serve others.

It blows me away because I find myself serving like I've never served before and loving my team like I've never loved them before. And there is no other explanation other than God.

There was a word that our squad coach gave us on the last day of debrief about there being "No Insignificant Moment." Every moment requires a choice. And how you respond to that choice has an impact either positively or negatively. When I choose impatience over patience, I used that moment to effect myself and those around me negatively. If it is true, that there is no insignificant moment and every response of mine carries weight, than I want my life to reveal moments of joy and moments of triumph. If I only have so many "moments" on this race, I do not want them wasted.

This month our ministry looks a little different. We are all doing different jobs to help relieve stress and accomplish grunt-work for the staff at New Life Fellowship. I have had quite an assortment of jobs and interestingly there have been children at every one of my jobs. Like I said, this month is a test! But it exciting to see how God is challenging our team and taking us into a deeper place of servanthood. And he is using the children to teach us patience. Maybe he is wanting us to learn a lot more from them. He did say that unless we become like them, we will not inherit the kingdom of God. I may not want children of my own anytime soon, but I do want the Kingdom! God really does make everything worth it. He is so good.

Thank you all for your love and support. Your gifts and prayers have been amazing. I am almost fully-funded, which is very exciting! Praise God! My teammate, Andy, however is still in need of about 50% of his funds before April. If you would like to bless him or support him in any way, you can visit his blog by clicking HERE.

Give me the highest!

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

It is official. I am living the best life I could possibly live.

And I am absolutely in love with the Holy Spirit. Our squad just finished a week of debrief in Hua Hin, Thailand and God was present every second of that week.

It was beautiful, relaxing, and a time of refreshment and refilling from the Holy Spirit. We went to the beach and ate Mango sticky rice.

God + the beach + mango sticky rice = Paradise.
I wouldn't be surprised if this is what heaven is like.

But onto the serious stuff God has been shining light on...
What does it look like to be great? How do we define greatness? What makes us great?
God is challenging me more and more everyday with these questions. I have a desire inside of me to be great. I have a longing to go places that no one else has gone, pray prayers that have never been prayed, and to do things that are said to be impossible. But it is amazing to see the process God is taking me through to rid me of all my pride and ambition and fill me with his definitions and his strategies. And at the same time flood over me with deeper revelations of his love for me.

Yesterday, I listened to a testimony by a woman named Jennifer Toledo that completely rocked me. I cannot stop thinking about it and am still processing all of it. But there is one aspect of it that I am beginning to go deeper and deeper into and desire for my life. She tells her story starting with her childhood and everything that God did to bring her to different places in her life. She grew up in California but went to Canada and eventually Africa and I think she is now back in America. There were several times in her testimony when she had a plan for that season in her life and God would tell her to do something different. And in every decision he would say, "If you do what you're planning to do, I will bless it...but it's not the highest I have for you." And in every decision, she chose to listen and obey God even though it would not make any sense. This series of decisions led her to do amazing things!

I do not want to live any more of my life settling for the choices I make for myself that God blesses because it is in his nature to, but are not the highest he has for me. What if God has something extremely out of the ordinary Christian life for me? What if God has a plan bigger than I can even comprehend for my life? What if God's thinking is so much bigger than my life and yet he desires to use it? What if God chooses the completely inadequate, ordinary nobodys to accomplish something GREAT?
One of my favorite verses in the whole Bible is Acts 4:13
"Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus."

I have come to the realization and confession before Almighty God that I do not care if I am not in control, or if I cannot see one step in front of me. I do not care if everything around me seems impossible; I want the highest that God has for me. I want to live in such a place that if God does not show up, I will fall flat on my face because I am so inadequate without him. I want the kind of faith that puts all of my weight on God's promises and watches his faithfulness carry me through all things.

The conclusion that I have come to (as of now) is that the people who see the crazy things happen and are a part of the great things God does on this planet are those who say yes to God every step of the way. It is the ones who listen to the Holy Spirit, trust him, and obey. It is the ones who count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus. These are the ones who will see greatness, not by anything of themselves but only by the yes of their heart to follow Jesus in every place he calls them...truly laying their life down to embrace the higher calling he has for us.

This is my heart's desire.

Deep and Simple.

Mon, 8 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

How deep is the love of God?

Often times we say that God loves everyone and Jesus came to save all men, but our hearts think differently. Our subtle decisions say differently. What if Jesus really did come and die to save prostitutes and drug addicts? Or homosexuals and porn stars? Is it getting harder for you to believe it yet? What about people who are pro-choice? Or those who diliberately walk away from God, cursing his name and mocking him?

What if Jesus chooses to bless the righteous and the wicked because he came to save all men. In fact, "he causes the sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:45

God has been speaking so much to me about his mercy and his desire for mercy. And he has been opening my eyes more and more to the judgment I find in my heart toward those who reject him. It's amazing how we create this mentality and religion to try and keep control. When do we figure out that God doesn't need us to be in control but to just trust him? All he tells us to do is love. Love him and love others. What does that even look like?

When Jesus sat and ate with Matthew the tax-collector and all his tax-collector friends, the religious leaders asked why he eats with sinners. Jesus says, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." Matthew 9:13

Do you think that the religious leaders actually went away and learned what 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice' really means? I have a feeling that they didn't but I have no proof. Jesus does NOT want anyone to perish.
He doesn't have any pleasure in the death of the wicked! Even though we think they are getting what they deserve and their punishment will finally come, God still desires to have mercy on them! We have such a bad habit of wanting to point out each others sin and deciding consequences. And the whole time God desires for us to turn from our sin and live. No matter what that sin might be, he would rather have us turn and live than to pay the punishment of our sin and die.

"Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, declares the Lord GOD, and not rather that he should turn from his way and live?" Ezekiel 18:23

I can see why Jesus told us to be like little children. The gospel is simple. LOVE.

This is Cambodia: VIDEO

Thu, 4 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I have completely fallen head over heels for this country. Everything from the village food and fresh fruit to the amazing people. After watching this video, you may understand why I love this country so much. God has redeemed so much in this place and continuing to do so. Keep praying for this nation!

God is moving. Revival is coming.

It's up to you if you want to be a part of it!

CAMBODIA!

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

So my team and I are now working with an amazing ministry in Cambodia and I love it. I have been told that this is the country that changed Angelina Jolie...so if that tells you anything.

I am sad that I cannot post pictures yet because my computer is in Bangkok, but I do not want to wait to write a blog because God is teaching me some crazy things! The Cambodian people are incredible. They have huge hearts and are the most hospitable, serving people I have ever met. And they truly understand community.

We are living with about 10 girls above the church where we are teaching English classes. There are also about 20 guys who stay in another room above the church. I really love this church and these girls we are living with but unfortunately we do not get to stay with them the whole month. The main ministry we are working with is sending us to a new church each week. But the people at Living Faith have already taught me so much.

One day I got really sick...like puking and I couldn't move. I was praying and praying and asking God to heal me but I felt like he said this was something I needed to endure and it wouldn't be that bad. Now God has already been teaching me a lot about the Kingdom and and about how he desires for us to be healed and well but he allows suffering so that our character can be sharpened and so that we can look more like Him.

While I was sick, all of the girls at the church wanted to help me but they didn't have medicine and they couldn't really understand much English. So I told them they could pray for me. When two of the girls prayed over me, I started to cry because I could feel the Holy Spirit so strongly! I was made aware of my ignorance and pride when I was faced with the power of Christians here in Cambodia praying. But when they finished I was still sick.

The next day I was still praying and asking God to show me why I was not getting healed and I got so frustrated. I began to question why I can't have what I ask for even though the Bible tells me to ask for anything and I will have what I ask for. I was getting frustrated that God would not heal me or speak to me. I had completely forgotten what he had said about enduring it.

Finally, out of nowhere I had a revelation. For a split second I was questioning God's character. For a split second I was believing the first lie ever told: that God was withholding something good from me. Then, he so gently said to me, "Bethany, this is the least severe thing that you have to go through if you want to get to where you have been asking to go in the Spirit." He was having mercy on me by allowing me to go through that sickness. While I thought he was not answering my prayer of healing, he was answering my prayer to go further in the spirit! Everything I was thinking and frustrated by was completely rocked. And God is bringing so much more clarity from that simple revelation.

There is a lot more to that but I want to talk about one more thing.

God gave me another revelation as we were participating in church here at Living Faith. He was speaking to me about evangelism and spreading the gospel. And a simple truth became so real once more to me. He said, "Without the Holy Spirit, evangelism is pointless." I realized that these people did not have a background of Christian values and beliefs but all they knew about was Buddha. If they were to learn about Jesus the way we teach about Jesus in America, they probably would not be Christians. But they had to have experienced something; they had to have felt something; they had to have seen his power in order to give up everything and follow him. They had to have had a motivation more persuasive than human words to count the costs and choose to leave their family and all that they knew for Jesus. And everytime they pray or worship you can see that they KNOW the Holy Spirit. You can see it in the way they live. It is beautiful. I am falling more and more in love with the Holy Spirit each day and I absolutely love seeing how He is working and moving throughout the nations.

Please keep Cambodia in your prayers! It is an amazing country and God has heard their cries and He has seen their hearts! He is bringing revival to this land and it is incredible to watch. Thank you for all your prayers for me and your support. I will try to update as much as I can.

Bangla Road Video

Sat, 16 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

My friend Jessica made a video when we were in Thailand and it is absolutely amazing! It is about 8 minutes long and it is worth it so I hope you enjoy it !!

When I grow up

Sun, 3 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Well hello friends and family.
I am sure that you are wondering where on earth I have gone because it has been so long since I have written a blog. Well I am still here in Phuket, Thailand (pronounced POO-KET). We just returned back from a lovely Christmas in Bangkok with the rest of our squad and are ready to continue ministry here. We are ministering in a part of Phuket called Patong, located right on the beach. There is a ton of tourists and worldly entertainment. If you have not read any of my teammate's blogs, I will give you a little background to what we are doing here...

Have you ever felt as though you are out of options? Have you ever been without much opportunity? Without any money for you or your family? In Thailand, if you are a woman or even a young girl and that is your situation, it is likely that you will become a prostitute. Or a 'bar girl' as some people like to call it, trying to cover their eyes to the injustice that is taking place. Many people say, "These girls do this because they want to do it...they like it." I think maybe if I were naive and unaware this thought could have belonged to me too.

But you cannot sit in any bar on Bangla Road, watching old western men awkwardly talk to and touch young Thai girls who can't be older than 15 years old and still believe that these girls truly enjoy what they do. I am conviced that they did not wake up one morning and say, "When I grow up, I want to be a bar girl!" No, I am certain that they had dreams and aspirations that they created in their imagination of who they would be and what they would accomplish in life. I am certain of this because they were created by a Dreamer to dream and to imagine what more there is to this life. They are not just bar girls; they are human beings who thought that there was no other option. They have learned how to cover up what they are feeling; they have perfected their masks with crooked smiles and drunken laughter. They are young girls who couldn't find opportunity (or what they saw as opportunity) anywhere else but in these bars so that they could send money home and not disgrace their family. When you look into their eyes, you can see the despair. It is like nothing I've ever seen before.

Everyday we hang out with and work with several girls who used to be trapped in the sex industry. They are beautiful, amazing women of God who have been rescued. Some of them have been Christians for a few years and others only a few months. At night, our team goes out to the bars to meet some of the girls who work down there and to make friendships. A few others, including me, have been staying back to intercede for our teammates. Many of my teammates have already made deep relationships with the girls on Bangla Road and our vision and our hope is to show them that they have a choice. We want to tell them that if they do not like what they are doing and don't want to do it anymore, they can come and work with our Thai friends making jewelry and cookies. If they choose to come, they learn skills to start their own business and they also get introduced to Jesus and discipled if they choose to follow him. A major stronghold that keeps the girls in the bars is the need to make a lot of money to send back to their families. If their hearts are not willing to give up this life and move on to feel good about what they do, they will not take the offer we give them. Please keep these women in your prayers and pray that God would protect them and draw their hearts to him and out of those bars.

It has been amazing to see how God is working with the people of Thailand and also within our teams this month. He is going after the one sheep, rescuing her and giving her a new life. While we know that the sex industry in Southeast Asia is ridiculously big and thousands of girls work just on Bangla Road, we are going after the one. We are keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus because he has written and perfected our faith, giving us vision and hope for the ones we will meet and the ones we will see come out of those bars.

My prayer is that God would restore these young girls. That he would restore their dreams and their innocence. I love that my God is a God of restoration. He will not leave us as orphans but he has rescued us from Satan's grip and given us such sweet freedom. And not by any of my effort but out of his great love and mercy, he chose to rescue me. Revelation of his love expands my love for him deeper and deeper than I have ever known.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support! I am forever grateful for your generosity and faithfulness. And also for your patience with me and blogging...the internet is not easily available.
I will be working on a video soon to give you more of a perspective of Bangla Road and how God is breaking our hearts for Thailand. I will try to post it as soon as I can.
LOVE YOU ALL!! God Bless.

Brokenness & Kingdom

Sat, 5 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I have a new favorite verse that I discovered yesterday.

"Seek God's kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."
Luke 12:31-32

Not only has God been showing me what exactly his kingdom looks like or what is in it but now he's showing me that it is his pleasure to give it to me. I might sound like a broken record when it comes to this kingdom stuff but the Lord is just constantly unraveling more and more about it. I don't think I got it before. I didn't get that it was my Father's good pleasure to give me all the things in the kingdom: health, peace, love, security, acceptance, freedom, restoration, reconciliation, etc. These are not far-fetched ideas that always take years to accomplish or are earned through my hard work, but they are given to me with great pleasure. Incredible.

So on top of that there is more God is teaching me and testing me in. On Thursday I had this crazy revelation. This is what I wrote down in my journal:

"The way of God is brokenness and then healing. It's not quick and easy with instant gratification. But you open up our hearts, bring light to the darkness and HEAL. You are faithful to put back together what you break - why do we try to cover it up? Let us be healed by you. Why won't we let you heal us? Come and rule our hearts with peace."
This is what I felt him say:
"Brokenness is good - hiding is not. Come into the light and let your crap get exposed. Don't give Satan a foothold by harboring bitterness or any other type of darkness in your heart. Let my light invade and overflow in you."

After meditating on this, I was like this is so cool (keeping in mind that I wasn't broken at the moment)! Then that same night, one of our coaches said something along the same lines. He told us, "You are going to be wrecked all year! You are not supposed to have all this figured out. You did not sign up to be the same at the end of this trip. And this is an eternal thing that you've signed up for."

If you remember from a previous blog, God is giving me new coats to grow into. They feel big and awkward when they don't fit right but as I grow, it fits better and is then too small. And I am getting a bigger coat right now.
This coat of being okay with brokenness.
So the next day, God broke me. He exposed ugly feelings and emotions inside of me to myself and to my team as well. That's the beauty of community. They see all your crap too. And in that moment of brokenness, I could literally feel my spirit and my flesh fighting. I knew exactly how I would react to a similar situation back home but I knew it was not how God wanted me to react. I had a little bit of a breakdown. Completely frustrated with this battle inside of me. God's asking me to live this lifestyle that is so opposite of how I have lived for 23 years! He is asking me to make decisions differently than the way we as humans have done for all of history. It is hard!

His kingdom is upside down and inside out. I've said that and known it but I don't know if I even get it all. All I have is that soft voice telling me something so contradictory to what my flesh is saying. And all I can do is trust that voice, trust that God knows a better way for me to live; a way that builds character and stores up treasures in heaven and leads to a more fulfilling life here on earth. There is a song that pierced me to the core. Interestingly, I listened to it the first time I got this revelation of brokenness on Thursday morning, and again yesterday during this internal battle of my soul. It is one of the most powerful songs I have listened to on this trip. It is called "A Better Way" by Jason Upton. I can't post it on here, but I highly recommend you listen to it. Sometime when you are completely free with no agenda or plans and can just sit for about 30 minutes, look up this song on Rhapsody or Grooveshark. The song is 24 minutes long and every minute of it is powerful. Thank God that he loved us enough to come down here to his creation and show us this better way to live, take on all our sins, and conquer death once and for all. He is glorious.

Because of your support and prayers, God is taking me on an incredible journey. It is not just an extended mission trip or a glorified vacation but it is my life. It is a beautiful process of transformation that will not fade or end after I come home. I will truly never be the same and you have helped. God has provided the means to accomplish the desire of his heart for me, through YOU. So thank you so very much for listening and obeying God. You are supporting a RADICAL who will never go back to the ordinary.

God Bless You!

The Value of Education

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This month has been anything but ordinary. It is far from what I expected this month to look like. Our ministry is an unseen ministry with fruit only seen by our Father in heaven and may look foolish to the world. While Nicaragua's culture is very similar to Guatemala, the experience has been completely different.

Our contacts, Glenn and Lynn, are amazing people after God's heart with a vision bigger than themselves; a vision that can only be accomplished through their reliance on God. And they have seen the impossible become possible through God and their faith is admirable.

If you are aware of any political news in Nicaragua, you might know that the major communist leader before the revolution here in Nicaragua is president again of this country. So although the country moved out of communism into a democracy, the people reelected this man, Daniel Ortega, to be their leader. Interestingly enough, every U.S. citizen I met who lives in Central America has compared him to Obama. But that is just a side-note. Ortega was elected because of his ability to manipulate the people and basically pay for votes. This is pretty typical in third world nations. And although Ortega has ideas that sound good, he has no solution or means to solving the problems in this country. For example, he has made it impossible to have an orphanage in this country because he believes in putting children back with their families. In theory, this sounds like a good idea, however, the children would not be in the orphanage if the families wanted them to begin with. So by shutting down all the orphanages, the government is putting kids into even worse, unloving environments. And also, from what I've learned he also hates Americans and doesn't want us adopting their kids.

Because of this law, Lynn and Glenn run a boys home/school for kids 14 up to 23 years old. Many of the kids don't have any education because they were told their whole life that they were not worth it and weren't going to amount to anything. Some of the kids only have an elementary education. At La Quinta (the home/school) the kids are able to get an education and also be in a safe and loving environment. The kids are absolutely amazing and from what we have been told, have completely transformed in the last two years. The ones who were hostile and angry are now the most loving, warm people. It amazes me to see how innocent and pure these kids are after all the awful things that have happened to them. God's ability to transform us and make us new shines through the lives of these kids.

As you can probably tell, they have everything running so smoothly here that we are not needed for outreach or even labor within their ministry. We hang out and play with the kids, but mostly we pray. We have been praying so much this month and it has been powerful. We have seen some of the changes and effects of our prayers but mostly we are praying in faith believing that God has big things in store, that we may not get to see. But I am still asking to see it before we leave for Thailand.

Please keep the people of Nicaragua and Daniel Ortega in your prayers. I believe that God has put Glenn and Lynn here to affect the entire nation. I believe that the vision that God has given them is going to transform people and give them a legacy here in Nicaragua. Please pray for them as well. They need much encouragement and are constantly in need of financial support. And please pray for La Quinta and all the kids who live there because more and more I am beginning to see how God plans to change nations through the youth of that nation. These specific youth are going to change the nation of Nicaragua.

I am going to end with something that our contact in Guatemala had told us at the very beginning. Poverty is not about money but it is about education. Those who live in poverty live with a mindset of poverty and it is not because of a lack of money but because of a lack of education. And I remember my sophomore year of college, in my Philosophy class on the first day, we had an assignment to write about the value of education. I think I might have made something up not really thinking about it. But now I believe that I truly understand that value and am overwhelmingly grateful for the education I have received and the opportunities that have been set before me. Now if only the youth in America could have this revelation and appreciation for education.

Blessings Upon Blessigns

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We have been in Jinotepe, Nicaragua for one day and we are already overwhelmed with the blessings being poured out on us. We are staying at Hotel Casa Mateo and it is absolutely beautiful. Our ministy contacts own and operate this hotel and also have a boys home type ministry about 5-10 minutes away. The hotel prepares and serves us every meal and there is free coffee in the morning.

There are 3 spanish speaking parrots. The most talkative parrot is Rosa.

She likes to say "Hola" and "Knock Knock" ...at least that is what it sounds like. She is hilarious. She also dances for you if you clap your hands and make music for her.

We are not feeling blessed only because of the hotel and the parrots but because we have just begun to unwrap this idea of God's blessings on those He loves and his desire to bless us. The first thought I had when I saw this place and the good food that was served to us was that I didn't deserve all of this. I was expecting to eat beans and rice all month and sleep in a tent and yet I am living with way more. I was thinking that I'd become spoiled with all these amazing blessings and so it was hard and almost unbelievable to accept these gifts from God. But since we have been here, God has been revealing something so profound to me. Rather than feeling bad all the time, God just wants me to be thankful. He has showed me that his blessings are rich and abundant. They are not things we could do for ourselves or what we expect because he wants the glory from them. He wants his blessings to produce our praise to him. And as I was in this thought process he asked me, "Why do you think that you couldn't deserve this?" And I didn't have a reasonable answer. So gently he reminded me that I am his daughter, whom he loves to lavish with love and gifts. He reminded me of King David in Psalm 21 where he recounts the rich blessings that God has poured out on him and instead of covering up pride with false hulimity, he receives the blessings and in turn praises God who is his rock and his refuge. If a man who was said to have a heart after God can receive the Lord's blessings, he must know something profound about his own identity and how God saw him. He must have understood God's desire to give us really good things...even things we may not necessarily need. But in that place of understanding, he lived a life of thankfulness and praise toward God, the giver of all good things and all blessings.

That is the life I long for. That is the fullness of life that I desire...to walk in such a manner of honor and excellence before God's eyes and that I would be able to receive the blessings that come with that lifestyle with my heart in a posture of thankfulness and praise. I absolutely adore my Father in heaven and I desire to know him so much more. This life that I am living is better than I have ever experienced in my life. And the reason is because I cannot settle for inactive Christianity anymore. My God is interactive and involved. He is not distant but is right next to me all the time, giving me wisdom and insight. He is always speaking to me. He is always revealing truths to me that I could have never known on my own. He is always refining me and making me more and more beautiful as I reflect him more and more every day because He is the definition of beauty. I love that I can talk to him and he talks back. I love that while it was difficult for a time of listening and trying to hear his voice, that he is so faithful and has brought me to a place where I can know his voice so clearly. I love that he loves me enough to take out all the crap in my life. He loves me enough to deal with some serious, messy issues like control and fear and rejection and comparison. And he does all of this so that I can walk in the fullness of who he created me to be. I LOVE that my identity is a SAINT...not a just a sinner saved by grace. I love that God didn't stop with the cross but that he continued with the resurrection. I love what happened at the cross, but that is not where my hope is...my hope is in the resurrection. If Christ had died for my sins, but stayed in the ground, I would still be bound to my sin and separate from God. But THANK GOD that Jesus is alive; that he conquered death and sin once and for all. And because of that I have the ability and choice to die to my flesh and sinful nature and come to life through the resurrection of Christ. I am ABLE to move from the natural way of life (sin, lies, worldy...) to the unnatural. Which gets flipped around when you live as a citizen of the kingdom of heaven because it is natural to live a righteous life, filled with truth.

That is my goal and I am convinced that it was meant to happen not only in heaven but on earth too.
It is my destiny and what I was made for.
May his KINGDOM come and his will be done, ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.
By the grace of God, I am on my way.

They have stolen my heart

Sun, 1 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Really? ...He is THAT good.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

There was a point in my life when I believed that it was a bad thing to be addicted to the Holy Spirit and that we shouldn't always want to feel the Holy Spirit because then if we do when we don't feel it, we will get discouraged.

This is what I have been discovering...

I would rather hunger after God with all that I am and everything inside of me, full of hope and assurance that He WILL indeed fill me, than to become complacent and stagnant in my walk with Christ feeling as though I were safe from disappointment.

God has been showing me so much and teaching me almost faster than I can process it all. The other night I had this revelation and wanted so badly to write a blog on this subject. I have come to the conclusion that I LOVE the Holy Spirit and I LOVE being filled with Him and feeling Him, and that is okay. It's more than okay. It is necessary. Jesus told us that we cannot survive on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. (That word being the rhema word...or the spoken word of God) We do not get a rhema word without being full of the Holy Spirit. So I live and breathe and thrive on the words from the Holy Spirit. Not only that, but if I am to die to myself each second of every day and let Christ live in me, don't I need the Holy Spirit to fill me and give me life....even more than life, but the abundant life Jesus promises? I don't want to only survive, but I want to prosper!

Now, I think that what I would have argued this and said that I agree with all of those things but think that we can't expect to feel God everytime we call on him because there are times we won't feel him. We need to be able to live without feeling him.

I do NOT want to live without feeling him. I was made to feel him. HE alone sustains all that I am.

I've also realized that I don't want to be ABLE to live without feeling the Holy Spirit. I don't want to live my life relying on explanations of why I didn't feel him. God is always speaking and moving, and what it comes down to is how bad I want it. How hungry I am for His presence? I want to live each day craving his presence like I crave every physical need. I'm finding myself caring more about my spiritual needs than my physical needs. God has been showing me that there is so much out there for me and I have to be willing to dream it and believe Him to do it. Nothing is out of reach for him, and therefore nothing is out of reach for me because he said, "All that I have belongs to you."

Something HUGE that he has been teaching me that is completely changing all that I think is that He is truly a good Dad. I knew this so well in my head and could quote the verses on it a million times but he is making that head-heart connection and I am blown away at how good he is. He really is THAT good. There are so many times that I have thought, "Well God put this stumbling block in my way to teach me a lesson, or make me stronger." I firmly believe that absolutely everything that we go through and everything we do ends up giving God glory and he uses all things for His glory. BUT, no longer do I believe that God puts things in my path that will harm me just so I can learn a lesson. He teaches me through it but he does not desire to hurt me or for me to be in pain. He is such a loving and caring Dad. Things that come into my life that may harm me are never from God, but from the enemy. God is so much greater than our enemy though and uses his works to mature us and bring Himself glory. This has shifted SO much of my thinking. EVERYTHING that is good and perfect is from God and is in the Kingdom of heaven. And not only am I a citizen of that Kingdom, as a daughter of the King, but I have the keys of that Kingdom to bring it to earth as Jesus prayed. I have access to every good and perfect thing and have authority to bring it to the darkest places of the earth. And I not only have authority to do so but I am called to do so. It is my purpose and my job to bring the good things of the Kingdom of heaven down to the earth. I LOVE THAT. That revelation will absolutely change your thinking and the way you live. You may begin to live the "normal" Christian life rather than the deception of inactive Christianity.

Unexpected heartache

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever been surprised by the pain that comes from God's heart breaking? Today I felt it. We pray all the time for God to break our hearts for what breaks his, but that is such a heavy prayer. His heart is constantly breaking for all the injustice in the world. He is constantly burdened for his children who are being oppressed and afflicted. And I believe he desires for the end of those things to come just as we do. But his timing is perfect and he WILL arise and bring justice to the nations.

Today we spent our forth day at an orphanage here in Puerto Barrios, Guatemala.

At first we were just playing with the kids and then we came back to do some physical labor in cleaning the place up. The spiritual darkness of that place was so evident. We immediately recognized that what we were doing in the natural (pulling up roots, cleaning, cutting weeds, picking up trash, etc) was representing what God was doing and going to do in the spiritual. These kids live in worse conditions than I have ever seen. They have no running water and barely any food to eat. The orphanage is privately owned with a lot of corruption and darkness within the leadership.

The little girl on the right side of the photo above is named Julie. She is absolutely beautiful and has such a sweet spirit. Today, my heart was completely broken for her. We found out that many of the girls have been sexually abused, her being one of the main ones. She is ten years old. As we were leaving today she gave me a hug goodbye and would not let go. Even when I tried to speak to her, she clung to my waist and wouldn't even look up. I can barely right this without crying. I tried to sit down with her so I could pray with her and just keep hugging her and she stayed put. As I was praying for her and just holding her so tightly, I began to weep. Everything in me was breaking. I could feel her pain and her desperation for someone to love her. We sat hugging for a long moment and then I had to leave. Even as we left, she was still so full of life and joy. I am so excited to continue to work with the orphanage and bring more light to such a dark place. I keep crying out for justice in the lives of these kids, especially in Julie's. I believe that God has HUGE things he wants to do in that place. The most disgusting things we've done so far have been at this place, but it doesn't even feel like anything because of our desire to serve these beautiful kids. Kids that belong to our same Father. AH! My heart is so full of love for them.

Every time I realize that this is their life and they aren't at some kind of camp where their parents will pick them up in a week, it becomes more and more real that they have no one and how much they need the love of the Father. We were all really concerned about spending a month with them and then just leaving them, like everyone else in their life. We didn't want to cause more harm than good. But yesterday one of my teammates said something that just gave me goosebumps (the good kind). She said that God revealed to her that if we would introduce them to Him, He would become their father and their mother and that He will never leave them or hurt them as everyone else in this world has. If we leave them with something even greater than ourselves, we will have definitely helped them more than we could imagine.

Please keep these kids in your prayers and pray for our team as we are in battle everyday.

Bienvenidos a Guatemala!

Fri, 9 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I was going to share pictures with you but the internet here is taking way too long to upload so that's not going to happen. I'll post on facebook if you'd like to see beautiful Antigua.

I am overloaded with information to share with you about Guatemala and about what God is doing in my life. I can't even express to you how good it feels to be here. But it definitely wasn't that way at first. On Tuesday when we arrived I still felt unsure of why I was doing this and unsure if I even wanted to do it. God has been moving in me ever since. I realized how scared I was of change and of surrendering to God 100% and I didn't know if I could do it. Because so much has happened and because I am so overwhelmed I do not know if I will even be able to fully explain all that happened. All I know is that God has begun a major work in me and He is faithful to complete it. He has given me peace about change. He has reminded me of his goodness and his desire for me. So many things that I had known and chased after long ago fell by the wasteside the last few months of my life. I got comfortable and complacent. Coming back to this healthy, godly, loving community has shown me that I'd settled for so much less than God has in store for me and had intended for me. SO I came on the World Race. And it is definitely only the beginning.

Here is an example of what I mean. The speaker told a story that made it so clear to me. He referenced Sampson and his mother; how his mother dedicated him to God and left him at the Temple and how every year she would bring him a new coat. He went on to interperet that his mother probably brought him a coat that was always bigger than he was because he wouldn't get another coat for a whole year. His point behind it was that Sampson had to grow into his coat. If his mother brought him a coat that fit him in that moment, it would no longer fit as he grew more throughout the year. The spiritual connection was about change. It was about how God is giving us a new bigger coat that may feel uncomfortable and awkward but the intent behind it is that we would grow into it. In the moment when God is taking off our too small coat and giving us a bigger coat, is when we feel most vulnerable. It is that scary point of letting go of what doesn't fit anymore and putting on something that still doesn't fit just right yet. I realized that I do not want to be in a coat that is too small for me, but I also don't want to stay in the same size coat. This imagery has given me such peace about change and about letting God transform me. Whatever that may look like. He is so good to me and has never led me astray. At one point, Pastor Michael asked, "Are you willing to let God change you and your personality so that when this is over you will look completely different?" At first, I cringed inside and defensively thought, "I don't need to change my personality, it is unique to me. And God made my personality, it's who I am. I am still Bethany." Instantly after this thought, I felt in my spirit God say, "But you were made in my image. And you are to look like me. And have my personality. You have died to yourself to have Christ live in you. Do you want to look more like Bethany or Christ?" It was powerful. I do believe God has made me unique and has specific plans that only I can accomplish for his Kingdom, but he also created me to look like him and reflect him. That is an intense revelation.

And the last thing I need to blog about is another important thing God has been teaching me. He's taught me about offense. And being offendable. I am very easily offendable and I have made many mistakes because of that, especially recently. Pastor Michael was speaking again about how we go public with our issues when we are offended and choosing not to forgive. I know that my last few weeks in Tucson, because I was offendable and chose not to forgive, I spread bitterness and hardness that was totally not of the kingdom of God nor belonging among his people. I was immediately convicted and need to ask for forgiveness from those of you who I spoke words of anger and frustration to and want you to know that I am not excusing my words or my actions, but am admitting that I was offendable and I did chose life. Please know that I am not beating myself up about it, I am living and resting in God's infinite mercy and grace but need to take this step in order to move on. I want more than anything for Tucson to experience the type of community that I am experiencing here and I am continually praying for it. A community of freedom and love. A community without offense but healthy communication and reliance on God. A community with feedback and growth that gives absolutely no foothold for the devil. Once you live in that kind of community, you can't go back.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and all your love. I could not do any of this without the faithful prayers of God's people. His provision, in every aspect of the word, has been incredible and hasn't stopped to amaze me. I love you and will continue to update you as much as I can.

God Bless!

This just about sums up all I am feeling

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

To God Alone

By: Aaron Shust

Can You take me by the hand?

Can You use me as I am?

Break me into who You want me to be

When the time is finally right

Will You open up my eyes

And show me everything You want me to see?

This life is not my own

To God alone be the glory

To God alone be the praise

Everything I say and do

Let it be all for you

The glory is Yours alone

Yours alone

Take the offering I bring

You want more than what I sing

Can I give You every part of me?

Turn these pennies into gold

Take this life I call my own

Until I'm running after Your heart

I'm needing to let go

To God alone be the glory

To God alone be the praise

Everything I say and do

Let it be all for you

The glory is Yours alone

We will rise and we will fall

But You remain after all

You're glorious and beautiful

You're beautiful

To God alone be the glory

To God alone be the praise

Everything I say and do

Let it be all for you

The glory is Yours alone

Yours alone

Therefore, WATCH!

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I've realized that while I am on the race I am going to be using this blog to share with you what I am learning and what God is teaching me, so I figured why not start now. The same subject has been coming up a lot lately in my life....which usually means God is trying to tell me something. The best way I process these things is by journaling and then writing blogs.

So here it is. I am very passionate about the end times and the second coming of Christ. I have very strong and sometimes unpopular beliefs about this subject as well...almost to the point where I cannot be convinced of anything else either way. I went to a Bible study a week ago and we studied Mark 13. Just a sidenote...Matthew 24 (which is basically the same as Mark 13) is one of my favorite chapters in the whole Bible. So I was excited to see what these wise older women had to say about it. I learned pretty quickly that we didn't share the same viewpoint, but I listened and took in all they said without sharing what was going on in my head. God taught me something huge. Despite the differences many believers have on when or how these things will take place, we need to be on guard and stay alert. The Bible study leader said something profound:

"Don't speculate but watch."

Those four words continued to speak to me throughout this past week.

In that study, I believe God revealed this purpose of sharing the gosepl to me:

"Tell others so that they can know Jesus- know hope in those days.

Only the wholehearted lover of Jesus will make it through those times.

Many are called but few are chosen. Sunday morning Christians won't be enough.

Compartmentalized hearts won't make it."

I realized that I don't need to spend my time defending my position on end-time theology or convince others why we'll be on earth for the tribulation. Instead, I need to be sharing the hope that I have found in Jesus with those who have no hope and equipping others to be passionately in love with their Savior...SO that whether I am right or wrong, there is no room for doubt! No doubt that they will either be raptured or that they will be able to endure the terrible days of the tribulation because of the hope they have in Christ Jesus. So I am not concerned with the viewpoint people hold on the end-times...what I am concerned with is if they have an anchor of hope that will carry them through the hard times and persecutions that Jesus promises us and if they will have the faith to cling to what we cannot yet see but believe will come.

"Therefore, WATCH!"

After this revelation, I have heard an unusually large amount of people (referring to the end times) say, "I'm scared" All along the same lines of being unsure of what is to come and being unprepared for it. Something inside of me stirs when I hear this and I don't always know how to respond. Before this week, I think I would have gone into all that I believe about Jesus' second coming and probably bored everyone listening. But all I did was listen. Listen to those saying this, but also listen to the Holy Spirit. I know that Jesus has given us warnings and signs so that we can be prepared and ready. And I know that preparation and readiness only comes from resting in Him and growing in relationship with Him. And so when I hear someone say, "I'm scared," all I can think to tell them is to rest in Jesus, grow a deeper intimacy with Jesus, pursure Him above all else, set your heart on eternity and things above. The thing is, we CANNOT know when Jesus is going to come back, but we can watch and be ready. I think that where there is preparation and trust, fear disappears. If we are confident in our identity and the calling on our life, we will be influencers rather than influenced in those days to come. I want to make it my purpose in life to grow deeper and deeper in intimacy with the Almighty GOD. I want to stand firm in the evil day, remaining in the strength of the Lord.

So to wrap up all of this that God was teaching me (and I'm sure he's still teaching me), today I read this scripture...

"Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against the flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints."

Ephesians 6:10-18

My new family!

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I would like to begin this blog by introducing you to the people I will be spending the next year of my life with.

First meet the L Squad:

...we will be together at the end of every month for debrief.

I just love them!

Okay, and now meet my team who I will be with for 11 months, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.

Team Rhema:

God truly knows what he is doing. I love my team so much and feel so incredibly blessed to get to serve with them. So our team name is Rhema which in greek means the spoken word of God. Our inspiration to use this word came from Matthew 4:4 where Jesus says, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word [rhema] that proceedeth out of the mouth of God."

We want to live by rhema and take it to the nations!

My team from left to right includes:

Bill - He is hilarious and so creative! God has truly given him the ability to make the most out of every opportunity.

Me....duh!

Allison - I wrote about her in an earlier blog, before I met her. She is incredibly sensitive to the Holy Spirit and is constantly encouraging everyone around her.

April - She has such a sweet spirit and an amazing heart for prayer and desire to see change!

Annie - Her personality instantly draws people in and she so naturally loves everyone around her.

Celeste - She is so wise and hears the Lord's voice so clearly, I love listening to her and learning from her.

Andy - He is the teddy bear of the group who is constantly giving hugs and encouraging and affirming the group.

Even just thinking about them as I write this blog makes me rejoice in how good God is and well our team works together.

By the way...

Team Rhema needs your help!

Allison Schwartz who I mentioned above is in need to $3,500 before she can launch with us in October. As you can hopefully tell by this picture below, Allison and I have become great friends.

I am praying and praying so very hard that God would provide her with more than enough support so that she can complete this calling that he has put on her life. I am confident that he will provide and that it is his will for her to not only be on our trip but on our team! What I don't know is how he will provide. It could be through you! If you are blessed and want to be a part of this movement, I highly encourage you to support Allison!

If you would like to donate to Allison, you can click this link below:

Support Allison!

If you would like to read her blogs and get to know her a little better, which I also recommend because she's awesome!, you can click this link below:

Allison's Blog!

I have so much more to blog about but I don't want it to become to lengthy so I will wait until next time. But I will tell you that God has been teaching me some crazy things that started at training camp and are continuing to grow in my head and heart! I get excited thinking about how God speaks to me...so stay tuned. I will be blogging again soon!

I love you all and am so grateful for your
support, prayers and love!

God Bless!!

Training

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

WARNING: This is a long blog...I apologize but I wanted to give you some insight into what my week was like.

How do I even begin to explain the amazing week I had in Gainsville, Georgia? I went with expectations I didn't even know I had to live in real community with 40 some strangers. I went with a spiritual walk that had been at a standstill and months of distance from the Holy Spirit. I expected to try some new things and get pushed out of my comfort zone. I didn't expect it to be as fun, humbling, exciting, life-giving, or revealing as it was. When I think back on this last week, the only thing I can think to say is that I have missed the Holy Spirit so much and how did I lived for almost 3 months without engaging with him daily. So I know this sounds intriguing and you are probably wondering what could have possible happened to me in Georgia! I will share a couple stories with you.

The first one is about something called "The Cross Walk". We had already spent a few days worshipping and listening to Michael Hindes speak about sin, the law, and the spirit. He was absolutely filled with the Spirit and spoke truth in a powerful way. Then we went camping offsite of the training center. We were asked to pick a small fire log and write on it whatever we felt the Lord wanted us to surrender to him. I struggled with what I should write and finally wrote a few things that didn't really seem that hard to give up. Before we started our journey, we were prayed for by our incredibly amazing and prophetic coaches for our trip. They spoke so much truth about my insecurities and fear that I just began to weep. They said that God was raising up a leader out of me but that I need to step into it and trust him in how he does it, not letting my history keep me from experiencing all he has for me. After they prayed for me, I began walking, not really knowing what God was trying to say or how to even process any of it. I mostly walked and cried and asked God question after question that I had absolutely no answers to. Then another staff who was directed where the path went stopped me and told me something I've heard a million times. "I am a beautiful daughter of God and my identity is in him." I cried even more. I was a little frustrated because I thought this was something I had gotten a hold of and understood. So I prayed and asked God why he kept bringing this whole identity issue up. As I kept walking and praying and crying, I completely forgot about the log with all the other things I was surrendering on it. I had a chance on the walk to add to the log anything else God was leading me to give up. And like God always does, he had so much else in mind for me to give up than I did, so I added fear and rejection, still not understanding why. I got back to the campsite and thought I was almost done and it would be over with kinda learning something but without much clarity. I was so wrong. The campsite was only the middle. The walk turned into a hike, literally up a mountain. There was no distinct trail except for hunters tape tied to random trees and I had to follow them carrying my log with all my crap on it. The hike seemed like it would never end. But in that time I finally grasped a little bit of what Jesus was trying to speak to me. He showed me that I have this strong personality and that I could carry all this crap around with me and just appear to be okay, BUT that I don't have to. He showed me that there was a reason he carried a heavy piece of wood on open wounds uphill and a reason why he suffered and died the way he did. The way he chose to do it was so symbolic. I could literally feel the weight of fear and rejection and the feelings of being unaccepted and unloved as I climbed that mountain. I fell down and sweat and was out of breathe a lot and all I wanted was to get to the end. When I finally got to the top, there was a cross. A place for me to give up all that I had been holding onto, all that I had been so afraid of trusting God to take care of. I don't think I can explain in words how it felt to finally realize again that I was beautiful to God and that what others thought about me DID NOT matter in comparison to what the creator of the universe thinks of me. I layed down my fire log and picked up someone else's to carry back down the mountain to throw in the fire. It was amazing how much lighter it felt on the way down. The symbolism in this experience weighed so much heavier than words. It went so much deeper into the core of who I am and how God has brought me to where I am. SO that was an incredible day of freedom and walking/hiking with God.

The second story is also an emotional one for me. It was later in the week and one night we were told to dress in long pants, long-sleeves, a headlamp and tennis shoes. We were then told that we were going to be doing an underground church simulation. We each got a piece of paper with a specific role we would play in a country where Christianity is illegal. When the bell rang, it was meant to be daylight and we had to be under the tent, mingling with each other. We couldn't talk to anyone or share our role with each other. Our paper gave us specific ways we would be able to find out who played similar roles. My role was a Christian and there were 5 people in my family and we attended the Dove Church. I would know if someone else was in my family if they would exchange leaves with me. I also knew who the missionaries at my church were by offering them a leaf, them unable to accept it, and insisting they take it as a gift. Our number one priority was to keep our pastor safe. When the bell rang again, it symbolized night time and we had to be out of the tent and there were 5 safe zones with tiki lights, where we could not be arrested. Our churches also met at night but we had to figure out where they were and how to get there without getting arrested or caught. The staff were playing the role of the police. Throughout the game, I quickly found my family and the missionaries at my church who told me where to go and made it there successfully the first round. The second round, I got caught right away. I thought for sure they wouldn't do much to me because it was just a game. BUT they made me take off my shoes and socks and walk barefoot on the rocks. Then they made me lay facedown on the red dirt right next to the garbage dump and we couldn't say a word. Then they sprayed us with ice cold water and mocked us for our beliefs and even threatened us and our families. They did a great job of playing their role in a realistic way for our benefit of the experience. The bell rang and we had to go back to the tent. We did one more round and I made it to the church and back safely before the game ended. I was soaked from head to toe and covered in dirt and whatever else they threw on me. We sat in a circle and de-breifed a little about our emotions during this simulation. It was really emotional for me. I want to share something I wrote in my journal that night...

It was an incredible experience. I feel so aware of the struggle within the body of Christ around the world. It made me angry at injustice but even more angry at the lukewarm, complacent believers in America who do not have to EVER prove their faith in a way that might jeopardize the safety of themselves and their family or friends. It frustrated me that so many people are satisfied with going only to church on Sunday while the rest of the world is risking their life to meet with other Christians and grow in Christ together. It frustrated me that people in America have about 5 Bibles in their home and others around the world can be killed for only having a couple pages of a Bible - and yet they're willing to risk that for it. And we could go two weeks without touching it or even thinking about it.

It convicted me and motivated me. It made me recognize the worth of what I believe and the worth of who I follow. Jesus, the Son of the living God who has all authority under his feet because he chose to suffer and die for me, is worth SO much more than 2 hours on a Sunday morning listening to words and lyrics that have no meaning without the life to back it up. Jesus' worth has been diminished in the United States because of the lack of persecution. That simulation spoke so much to me and reminded me that when I choose to follow Jesus, I am literally dying to myself and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. That statement cannot be anymore real to those who daily face the possibility of being killed for believing in and following Jesus.

If I were to write out everything that happened this week, I would run out of room. God completely blew me away and reminded me how much I love him and his Holy Spirit. He reminded me how much I love walking in the spirit. Completely trusting in him with every step I take. He reminded me that I cannot and don't want to do anything or go anywhere, if he does not go ahead of me. I am following him -- not the other way around.

God is good and patient with me. And I am not going back to how I used to be. I'm choosing in.

Ready as I can be...

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So I am waiting in the Denver airport because I missed my connecting flight. And now I am waiting for the next flight to Atlanta to board and hoping I have a seat. After talking with my sister and brother-in-law last night about my trip, what I've known all along is finally starting to sink in. This trip is going to be hard. And I need to be all in. I need to be completely 100% committed to what God has called me to do. And Colin (my brother-in-law) encouraged me last night that even though this is a trip of many uncertainties, that the more things about it that I am committed to, the more certain I will be. Which make sense to me because I know that when I am set on something, my stubborn personality sticks to it. I can't go into this trip saying, "If something happens back home, I'm leaving..no questions asked." For example, I have been struggling with the thought of my grandparents getting sick or possibly something more tragic happening to them while I am gone. And originally I thought, if something happened, I would go home and probably not go back. But if God calls me to go and to stay the whole time and be committed, that's what I need to do.

Another thing that God has been teaching me probably the last few months is about suffering and endurance. I just read a couple days ago in 2 Corinthians about comfort and suffering. Verses that I usually would have just skimmed past and not really thought about but for some reason, I thought about them and God revealed something huge to me. Comfort and suffering go together. You cannot have one without the other. How can I be comforted if I am not suffering. And Paul says just as we will have an abundance of comfort, we will also have an abundance of suffering. I think in America we have this idea that some people suffer, and some people can make it through life without it if they're lucky. But I am convinced that every single person that lives in this fallen world is going to suffer. It comes with the curse and the fall of man. It is inevitable. What we can control is how we react to it. I told my sister last night that while it scares me a little to think about all the ways I could suffer, something inside of me is excited to suffer, because only in that moment do I have the chance to choose to praise God and choose to rejoice even though nothing around me or in my life calls for rejoicing. It is such a beautiful paradox to me. And only the Holy Spirit could have revealed it to me and given me such joy at the thought of suffering. It doesn't make any sense otherwise. What I can do now is pray for God to strengthen me for that time because it will come.

Well I could go on forever, but I need to be alert for when my flight boards, so I don't miss it again! So I will try and keep you updated throughout the week on how training is going and what God is doing.
I love you so much and can't thank you enough for your prayers!

2 Weeks...

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I just wanted to give a quick update into my life and my trip.

In 2 weeks, I leave for Ignition Training Camp in Georgia. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I can't wait to meet all the other racers in person. Please, please be praying for me during and up to that week of training. I am flying out of Phoenix on July 31st and won't be back until August 9th. I am currently praying for an open heart and an open mind to allow God to prepare me in whatever way necessary.

And the second update:

I got 3 shots today and a prescription so that I can stay somewhat healthy while overseas. I got a vaccine shot for Meningitis, Yellow Fever, and Hepatitis A. I also got a prescription for Typhoid. I still need medicine for Malaria as well, but I have to find a doctor to write my prescription. Today I ended up spending $340. The good news is that I can get reimbursed if I raise that much above my required amount of $13,800. I have currently raised $7,450.

If you want to help, you can:

PRAY!
I am desperate for prayer and know how powerful your prayers have been in the past and can be in the future.

GIVE!

If you feel like God is calling you to give financially, all you need to do is click the link to the left that says "Support Me!" and enter your information. Every gift is appreciated and seen by the giver of all good things, our Heavenly Father.

TELL!

Spread the word to anyone you think might be interested in hearing about my trip and/or supporting me. Anyone can contact me through this website by clicking the link to the left that says "Email Me" and I will respond within the next day or so.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support. Again, I couldn't do any of this without your love and support. I am extremely grateful and blessed to have each of you in my life.

The Latest

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So I have a lot of exciting updates to share with you regarding my trip!

First of all, with special gifts and monthly pledges, I am already 60% funded. I cannot believe how incredibly faithful God is and how he continually provides for me and takes care of me! He such a wonderful father. I have been learning so much recently and even just today I was sitting in His presence and felt so at peace. He is expanding my heart's capacity to love him and it is the most incredible experience ever. I love that this journey and relationship with my Heavenly father will never end. I love that I am working for a kingdom that will never pass away! I love that I will have all of eternity to worship and glorify KING JESUS!

That brings me to Easter. I hope everyone had a wonderful celebration of the resurrection. I absolutely love Easter. On Sunday I had to work with the little kids during the sermon but got to worship with my family here in Flagstaff and it was so joyous. All of Christianity rests on this day. We would not have the freedom or abundant life if Jesus was not alive. His words would be meaningless if he was still in the ground, but PRAISE GOD that he reigns in Heaven at the right hand of the father, conquering all sin and death. Again, I love Easter!

"He's not a baby in a manger anymore;
He's not a broken man on a cross;
HE DIDN'T STAY IN THE GRAVE;
AND HE'S NOT STAYING IN HEAVEN FOREVER!"
-Misty Edwards

Other good news: I bought my pack that I will be using for the whole year while I travel from country to country. It's a pretty big pack with really good support so I am excited to break it in. All I need to do is play around with it and practice packing it and carrying it around.

ALSO, on another note, I have a TON of T-shirts left. I must have bought too many and I have no idea how I am going to sell them all. So if you are interested in buying one, PLEASE contact me!! I have sizes S-XL and one XXL. $20. And they're really comfortable and they look really cool. My roommate wears hers at least once a week.

AND I am still working on my newsletter but will send it out as soon as possible. If you want a newsletter, email me your address and I will put you on my list!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND PRAYERS!

GOD BLESS!

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Check out my ROUTE!

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Guatemala

The nation of Guatemala is a region known for its spectacular beauty, volcanic ranges, rich cultural heritage and Mayan roots. Temple ruins from the past speckle the landscape and stand as tributes to the historical significance of the country's spiritual history. Guatemalans are people of art and expression; yet, very few see the beauty around them as evidence of a divine Creator.

Nicaragua

The nation of Nicaragua has been heralded as one of the poorest regions in the Western Hemisphere. Homelessness, slums, addictions, destitution, poverty and a severe lack of medical, educational and spiritual resources make Nicaragua a challenging environment to communicate hope. Yet, God's love is reaching the far corners of the country in miraculous ways.

Nigeria or Cameroon

Enter a world of lions, elephants and monkeys, and welcome to Africa. As a new venture for the World Race, we seek out God's kingdom work in Western Africa is expecting to see sweeping revival in the form of mass conversions, miracles, and churches planted on a daily basis. Teams will be a part of breaking the hold of fear on the people bound by witch doctors and animism.

Ghana

Ghana is an old friend to Adventures in Missions and we are excited to reinitiate our efforts there! The people of Ghana are ready and willing to hear the word of the Lord preached, the orphans are ready to become the prayer warriors for a nation and the church of Ghana is ready to experience revival and see growth like no other time in history.

PIONEER AFRICA

Twice during your World Race, your team will take a month Ask the Lord for a new mission field. He may lead you to a location developing, growing and booming or He may lead you to a land untouched by the World Race or even Christianity as a whole. It will be a time to listen to the voice of the Lord and, with true abandon, follow Him into the wild blue yonder.

Romania

The northern regions of Romania are home to the gypsy people of Romania. Strangers in their homeland, they are segregated, ostracized and forgotten. Yet, they are a strong, proud and vibrant people who are beginning to embrace the light of Christ in a whole new way. Teaching English, leading sports camps, and planting churches are but a few of the tasks set before us as we enter this area of the world.

Ukraine

The developing country of the Ukraine stands caught between its past oppression under the U.S.S.R. communist regime and the desire to be accepted into the Western world. The forgotten and marginalized of this area are quick to be found if one looks close enough. Come be a part of a revolution, taking back a region from the bondage of Islam and other folk religions. It's a new day for the countries of Eastern Europe!

PIONEER EASTERN EUROPE

Vietnam

The team will cross the Pacific and land in a whole new world. The country of Vietnam has been under communist rule for decades, and the oppression has taken its toll through seasons of warfare and rebuilding. The government is adamantly against religious freedom, and as the country suffers in Buddhist bondage, the light of the Christian remnant shines as a candle in the darkness.

Cambodia

Fifty years ago, Cambodia saw one of the most devastating genocides in history. The Khmer Rouge slaughtered nearly two million people - one-third of the country's population at the time. In 24 hours, cities were emptied, left to be ghost towns. The nation has been in constant upheaval until recently. The strength and resiliency of the Cambodian people is inspiring. Be a part of holding orphans that are born into a new era, meeting felt needs in some of the worst slums in the world and church-planting with an adolescent generation on the verge of religious revolution.

Thailand

Even though the official law states that prostitution is illegal, it is estimated that nearly 2 million women and men engage in this practice daily, thus creating the lucrative sex industry of Southeast Asia. In addition to reaching out to the rural communities of Thailand, we go to the streets, into the darkest of spiritual environments to share what is most needed: hope. By helping women learn practical vocational skills and providing an alternative form of income, the face of Thailand's premiere sex industry is being changed one life at a time.

Friends bring out the best in you!

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I wanted to write a blog about all my friends that have greatly impacted my life and whom I will miss terribly while on the World Race!

First of all, my best friends in Tucson. Holly (on the left) and I have been friends for about 7 years now and I just love her! Abby (on the right) and I have been friends since 3rd grade!! We were neighbors and have been best friends ever since.

Secondly, my best friends in Flagstaff. Kristin (far left) is my roommate and keeps me sane. Ashley (next to me) and I have only been friends for about 5 months now but God has reconciled our relationship and she is such a blessing in my life. Billye (far right) is one of my absolutely favorite people! She is my voice of reason and constantly encourages me.

This is Jade, Me, Stephanie, and Kristin. More amazing friends whom I love dearly.

Next, is my big brother, Brian. He has mentored me and led me to the Lord in so many ways. He introduced me to REAL prayer and has never stopped encouraging me. We have been through a lot together and God has truly blessed me with him. He's one of a kind!

Also, I wanted to include a picture of the 24/7 prayer team that Brian (above) leads for Intervarsity Christian Fellowship on the NAU campus. I love these people so much and am blessed to get the opportunity to serve with them! (From left to right: Paul, Rachel, Me, Emily, Mary)

Of course last but not least, I have to include my sister, Lindsay. I would not be who I am today if it weren't for her. She has been a wonderful role model and mentor to me. She loves Jesus and has more wisdom than anyone I know!

So there you go! As you can see, I love my friends and community! I am so excited to make new lifelong friendships from this experience of the World Race. Thank you so much for all your support and prayers for me while I am preparing to leave all the ones I love to serve those around the world who do not have anyone to love them. I can't believe I have an opportunity to share with them the love that Jesus has for them and encountering His love with them!

OH and one last picture. For all of you who think it doesn't snow in Arizona,

Come to Flagstaff! Goodbye and have a wonderful week!

Get to know one of my team members

Wed, 4 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Let me introduce you to one of my teammates. Her name is Allison Schwartz and she has an awesome story of how God is working in her life!

She is adventurous and spontaneous. I bet she has a great sense of humor and I have a feeling that we will become great friends!

Some things that we have in common are that we both love the beach, drinking coffee in bookstores, random road trips, and chips and salsa! I am so excited to serve God with her because she has an amazing heart for Jesus! About nine months ago, she got back from Bangladesh and learned so much from her experience there and coming back to the U.S.

Another reason why I chose to introduce you to her, other than that we have so much in common, is that I support a little boy in Bangladesh named Sanjoy Baskay and I just absolutely love him. When I read that she had spent time there, I wanted to talk to her even more! God has been preparing her for this World Race for a long time and I feel privileged to have her on my team!

Check out why she wants to go on this trip and find out more about her by clicking on the following link and reading her article "How I was Called to the Mission Field"

Expectations of my Mission Trip

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We were asked to write a blog about how we felt before leaving on this mission trip. Here is what I'm expecting...

Basically, I expect to be a completely different person after this trip. I am expecting it to be hard and exhausting but I am also expecting to feel the most rewarded that I have ever felt in my life. I expect to witness miracles and completely rely on God for my every need. I expect to meet amazing people after God's heart and build lifelong friendships with them. I expect to be broken and distressed by the poverty that so much of the world lives in.

I am expecting to get frustrated and annoyed, while having to solve problems without avoiding the issues. I expect to be uncomfortable, physically as in sleeping on the ground but also emotionally and spiritually. Like so many of my team members have already said, I expect to be stripped of my materialism and of what I think I need. I expect to smell and get dirty. I expect to eat some weird and exciting new foods and probably get sick from some of them. I expect to be humbled again and again. I expect to cry and laugh. I expect to miss my family more than I ever have. I expect to miss my closest friends.

I expect to encounter God in an incredible and indescribable way. I expect to feel his heart beating for the poor and hopeless around the world. I expect to be overwhelmed by the presence of God, filled with His Spirit, and captured by His beauty. I expect to get a glimpse of eternity and the reality of who Jesus is to me and to the world.

My personality tends to expect the worst things to happen, but with all the not so fun things that I could think of, it cannot compared to all the JOY that comes from following the Almighty Most High God into the darkest areas of the world in obediance and love. It only makes sense to me to let go of the fear I have about this trip and cling to Jesus with all that I am, but it continues to be a process for me.

Please pray for me to trust God and allow him to change and prepare me for this amazing journey!

How I Was Called to the Mission Field

Thu, 1 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We were asked to write a blog about how we were called to this mission trip. Here is my story...

Okay, this is a very broad subject for me so I will start at the beginning. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church, remember accepting Jesus into my heart at age 3 (I know it sounds weird), and was baptised at age 7 on Easter Sunday. I've known my whole life that Jesus calls us all to missions, whether it be at school, work, or across the world. However, I didn't think much about my mission field for most of my life. Even throughout middle school and high school, I went on various mission trips around America and one in Prague, Czech Republic, but these were more trips with the mission stopping when I came back.

My sophomore year in college, God transformed me in a way that I didn't think was possible. He made me new and alive and exhilerated by his very presence! I encountered the Almighty God and his beautiful heart for me and for his people. My thinking began to shift and my mission field was clear. While on my college campus, God was calling me to pray. It sounds so simple but it changed my life. I was in a prayer room every Friday and Saturday night from 8pm to midnight. Then I was on a leadership team for 24/7 prayer on my campus. I felt that this is what God had called me to and at the time that it would be what I'd do for the rest of my life. I never thought of myself to be one of those people who travel around the world spreading the gospel. I eventually learned that my mission field is wherever God wants me to be and changes as He leads me.

Last year, a guy who went to my school came and talked to our college group about this mission trip he went on to 11 different countries in 11 months. I had heard of it before because a girl from our group went on it my freshman year. My intial thought was, "That's sounds awesome but I could never do it. I'm way too girly." I know it seems ridiculous but the thought of not showering for a while or not wearing make up freaks me out sometimes. The trip kept coming to my mind and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I asked God if this was something he was leading me towards but kept denying it was for me. After about 6 months of thinking and praying about it, I filled out the application but didn't turn it in because of that $39 application fee. (I'm kinda cheap...) I finally submitted my application in September of this year and when I was accepted, I knew it was God's will for me and I had to commit to his calling. And so for the next couple years, my mission field is again clear. I am excited, nervous and a little scared. But I know God has more in store for me than I have ever imagined! He is so good!